Almost everyone has experienced the feeling of discomfort when their actions do not agree with their inner values. A man, for example, values work-life balance yet works 80 hours every week, caring little about his own health and family. Another example is a boy who holds his parents’ love dear but gets angry at them in a moment of stress; or a woman who hopes to live healthily but gives in to the attraction of fast food during moments of weakness.

This disagreement can lead to serious results, such as worsening relationships, limited personal growth, and self-doubt. The emotional effects of feeling out of control and unable to live up to our own standards can also be deeply harmful. The shame and upset that go along with these feelings often force us into silence, resulting in more self-doubt. One reason for this silence might be that admitting (承认) to these behaviors can feel like showing a weakness or mistake that society tells us should be kept hidden. What’s more, recognizing this disagreement requires coming face to face with uncomfortable truths about ourselves—a process that is as discouraging as it is necessary for growth.

Recognizing and addressing these behaviors can provide a possibility of change. By looking into the causes of our behaviors, we can begin to understand our actions more easily and work toward sticking to our beliefs. Research supports the idea that recognizing this disagreement, together with mindfulness and open communication, can help with this process. These methods help us slow down, reflect (反思), and choose behaviors that follow our values more closely, even in the face of old habits or immediate needs.

The key to dealing with this disagreement lies in compassion (同情) for ourselves and others. By developing a culture of openness and by understanding the challenges of aligning behaviors with beliefs we can begin to break down what prevents us from having conversation and change. Admitting that this disagreement is a shared part of the human experience can enable us to speak openly, find support, and take necessary steps toward the agreement between our inner world and our actions.

While the disagreement between our inner values and actions may be common, through reflection, understanding and purposeful practice, we can bridge the divide and set out on a journey of self-discovery.